Man vs. food: the Mike Dorsey edition

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. To celebrate, he decided to subject himself to some torture.
If you have never met my dad, let me just tell you that since I was at least 5, my dad has forgotten the meaning of the word "full." The man loves to eat.
Apparently, at a place called Charley's Steakhouse in Orlando, they have this deal as advertised on the Travel Channel. You can attempt to eat an entire 50 oz. - yes, 50 OUNCE - steak in one sitting. If you succeed, I think you get the steak for free, and also a very large, very nice knife for your trouble.
My dad loves Charley's very much. I am not much of a steak person, but this is really something.

This is before the carnage:

And this is after:


He says he isn't sick today. I can't believe it. And in case you can't tell, the lumpy parts are the potato side dish, and the meat parts are actually bones. It was probably smart of him not to pick the bones clean.
So, he got his knife and his free HALF A COW. Congratulations, you are a professional eater.
As he says, "See? I can eat just as much as that Travel Channel guy." Truly something to be proud of. Happy birthday, Dad.

Pasta Sauce Adventure

What happens when you finally run out of the vodka sauce you made...a long time ago, and don't want to go back to the store-bought variety?
Well, you use the one can of tomato sauce in the back of your cupboard, of course.
Not satisfied with just tomato sauce, I decided to spice it up with chopped onion, chili powder, lots of salt, cayenne pepper, lots of basil, garlic, red wine, and some canned milk.
I don't know why I added canned milk, but with all those dark ingredients, it did make the whole thing taste a little lighter without being excessively creamy. And I added some water, because I was afraid it was getting too thick.
If I had had anything else on hand, I might have used it, but I didn't. What I ended up with was some nice oniony, spicy, very dark tomato sauce.
I will continue with my adventure of sauces, and we will see what I get next time.
In the meantime, we've only been eating pasta this week. I'm getting very bored with that.

Chicken and Gravy with noodles

Happy valentine's day!
This isn't exactly a valentine's day cooking post. I don't think I'll be cooking anything special for valentine's day. This is just something I happened to make last week, and while making it was lovely and dare I say, romantic, it's not a spectacular dinner like one would expect on valentine's day. It's just dinner.
So, for those of you that would rather just ignore this day altogether, here's your chance. This is NOT a themed blog post.

See, my boyfriend makes this gravy. (Victoria calls it sauce, but whatever. It looks and tastes like gravy.)
Fabulous Gravy:
1 can cream of celery soup
1 can water
1 package French Onion soup mix
Mix, heat, devour.

Once, I made this gravy and put it on instant box stuffing. It was amazing. But not as amazing as when you throw some one top of noodles that have about 3 tablespoons of butter mixed into them first.
Which is what I did.

But first, we grilled 3 chicken breasts for a little while, and then stuck them in a casserole dish with the gravy and baked them for what seemed like an ETERNITY but was probably about an hour and a half.

Plate, noodles, chicken, gravy on everything. Try not to shovel it all in at once.

Cheese puffs and the giant cookie from hell

Not cheese puffs like you're thinking of cheese puffs. When I say "cheese puffs," normally I think of those things that are kind of like cheetos but smoother, and possibly made out of styrofoam.
Not that those kind of cheese puffs are bad. I looooooooooooove those kinds of cheese puffs.
No, these things are technically called "gougères" according to David Lebovitz and something else entirely by my boyfriend. Something like "_____ ____ fromage." I know it ended in fromage. I didn't have him write it down, so I may have to do a further update with an actual name for these.
Anyway, they are so very easy to make, and soooo very good. This recipe makes "about 30 bite sized puffs."

Via

1/2 cup (125ml) water
3 tablespoons (40g) butter, salted or unsalted, cut into cubes
1/4 teaspoon salt
big pinch of chile powder, or a few turns of freshly-ground black pepper
1/2 cup (70g) flour
2 large eggs
12 chives, finely-minced (or 1 to 2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme)
3/4 cup (about 3 ounces, 90g) grated cheese (See above for ideas)

1. Preheat the oven to 425F (220C.) Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or silicone baking mat.

2. Heat the water, butter, salt, and chile or pepper in a saucepan until the butter is melted.

3. Dump in the flour all at once and stir vigorously until the mixture pulls away from the sides into a smooth ball. Remove from heat and let rest two minutes.

4. Add the eggs, one at a time, stirring quickly to make sure the eggs don't 'cook.' The batter will first appear lumpy, but after a minute or so, it will smooth out. (You can transfer the mixture to a bowl before adding to eggs to cool the dough, or do this step in a food processor or electric mixer, if you wish.)

5. Add about 3/4s of the grated cheese and the chives, and stir until well-mixed.

6. Scrape the mixture into a pastry bag fitted with a wide plain tip and pipe the dough into mounds, evenly-spaced apart, making each about the size of a small cherry tomato.

7. Top each puff with a bit of the remaining cheese, the pop the baking sheet in the oven.

8. Bake for 10 minutes, then turn the oven down to 375F (190C) and bake for an additional 20 to 25 minutes, until they're completely golden brown.

{End.}

That's really all.
We couldn't resist eating the majority of the puffs right off the cookie sheet. Only about 6 survived longer than 30 minutes.
But, there are 2 things I must mention:
Because I am poor, I decided I would just use bagged, pre-shredded Parmesan cheese in the mix and to top off the puffs. I would have absolutely loved to go out and buy some comte or gruyere, but unfortunately those are just too rich for my blood at the moment. The parmesan looked, worked, and tasted just fine.
The second thing is, don't panic when you put the 2 eggs in and it seems too runny. Just keep mixing it until it looks more like dough than egg soup. Remember, it needs to be squeezed out of a hole in a bag, so it should be a little runnier than you would think.
The best thing about this recipe is that it really only dirties one dish. If you're careful enough with your parchment paper, the cookie sheet shouldn't even be messy at all.

Now, the giant cookie from hell.
It wasn't supposed to be a giant cookie, it was supposed to form a bunch of little swirly pinwheel cookies. But something went wrong with my dough (I suspect not nearly enough flour, although I measured it correctly) and it would not peel off the damn parchment paper so that I could even begin to roll it.
The idea was posted on The Kitchen Sink around about Christmastime, and I only just now got around to making it. Oddly enough, that blog post was even about how much the cookies went wrong, although they were still good. Mine went even wrong-er. Unbelievable, but true. But I was determined to try to make something that day that involved chocolate and peanut butter, and since this recipe involved both those things melted together, I decided it was fate and I had to make them.

Here is the recipe, via the link above.

For filling:

6 ounces semi- or bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chunky peanut butter I WILL NOT USE CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER! It is against my religion. I used regular, and it was awesome.

For dough:

3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature [UPDATE: see Ellen's comment below. 2 sticks it is.]
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/4 cups sifted all-purpose flour (sift before measuring)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt

Make filling:
Melt chocolate in a double boiler or a metal bowl set over a pan of barely simmering water, stirring occasionally, and remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter.

Make dough:
Beat together butter and sugar with an electric mixer until light and fluffy, then beat in egg and vanilla. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into egg mixture and beat until combined well.

Assemble rolls:
Halve dough and roll out each half between sheets of wax paper into a roughly 12- by 8-inch rectangle. Remove top sheets of wax paper (if they stick too much, chill dough briefly to firm up slightly) and divide chocolate filling between rectangles, spreading it in an even layer. Tightly roll up each rectangle jelly-roll fashion, beginning with a long side and using wax paper as an aid, to form a 12-inch log. Wrap rolls in wax paper and then foil. Chill rolls until firm, at least 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Working with 1 roll at a time (keep remaining roll chilled), cut rolls crosswise into 1/8-inch-thick slices and arrange slices 1 inch apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake in batches in middle of oven until pale golden and set, 8 to 12 minutes. Transfer warm cookies to racks to cool.

{End.}

Can you believe that in the 2 years since I inherited my double boiler, that I never used it even ONCE until last Saturday? I will never go that long without using it again. In fact, I am thinking of just making the filling this weekend and dipping strawberries in it. Mmmm.
Anyway, I made the dough, I made the filling, and I stuck the dough in the freezer to be less sticky, only it didn't become less sticky enough for my purposes. What we ended up doing is just sticking one half of the dough on top of the filling, which was spread all over the other half of the dough, like a gigantic filled-in pancake, or a misshapen version of those huge party cookies you find at the mall, only without the decorative icing.
We had to bake it to almost twice as long, so that the middle would be cooked. To my surprise, it wasn't hard as a rock either. They were good.
We cut them into little bite-sized cookie pieces with a pizza cutter. I can't imagine how much better they would have been had they actually looked like little swirls.

But, one good thing about this is, I didn't use all the filling, so there was more melted chocolate/peanut butter mix for me to both eat with a spoon and to coat banana slices with. It would have been amazing on top of ice cream.

I highly recommend the filling. The cookie making was a different story.

xxixlovexdumplingsx14xx

It's been horribly, bitterly cold here in Indiana. And with so much ice! I have never before actually fallen on my ass trying to walk to class, but this winter it has happened no less than four times. All of those times, there were people watching.
So, how to survive? Since hibernation isn't an option (I wish), the only alternative seems to be to make warm food and drink alcohol. Drinking warm alcohol is also a plus.
I did just that last night. I had been eyeing a recipe on Bread and Honey for chicken and dumplings. I kept putting it off, because I didn't want to buy a carton of heavy cream and then waste half of it, but since I had to get the cream for the vodka cream sauce, I decided to go ahead and make it.
My friend Victoria was feeling sick. That was another good reason to make it.

Chicken and Dumplings, via Bread and Honey:
6 or so cups of broth (we made our own chicken broth last night.)
2 large carrots, diced
2 stalks of celery (oh my god, try not to freak out about how LONG IT TAKES TO CHOP IT), diced
1 med-large yellow onion, diced
handful of minced garlic
2 chicken breasts, chopped into bite sized pieces
Oil, butter, flour
about 1/3 cup (or like, a glug) of heavy cream

Saute vegetables in a good sized hunk of butter and a drizzle of olive oil (starting with onions & garlic) for a few minutes until they begin to soften. Throw in a handful of flour and stir in quickly to make a roux. Toast for a moment, then add stock. Stir rapidly until liquid begins to boil, then drop to a simmer. Add the chicken breast, and a glug of heavy cream. Toss in a bay leaf, and let simmer for a few minutes.

In a mixing bowl, prep your dumplings:

2 cups of flour
1 tbsp. baking powder
generous dash of salt
1 to 1 1/2 cups heavy cream
fresh thyme leaves
lemon zest

Mix together dry ingredients, then add cream until "desired consistency" is reached. Jason didn't tell me what the 'desired' consistency is, but I'm guessing something thick enough to spoon into the hot soup that will keep its shape. Cook's Illustrated describes is as "very thick and shaggy." I like describing dough as "shaggy."

Spoon dumplings into the soup pot, covering the entire surface of the soup. Put a lid on the pot and let simmer for 20-30 minutes until dumplings puff up.

{End.}

Well, I didn't use celery. But not because I thought it would take too long to chop it, I just didn't have any and didn't want to make my boyfriend buy it at the store, although I did send him to get broth. I didn't make my own broth either.
When I started making the dumplings, the dough was way too thick, so I ended up adding milk, which did the trick. I didn't have enough cream left from the vodka sauce to make it entirely out of cream and flour, but I think that's perfectly all right, because my GOD they were rich. I finished my bowl, but didn't go back for seconds. Now, I am craving the leftovers like none other. I decided to try to brave saving the leftovers, because they were so good I didn't have the heart to throw it out.
As far as the drinks, there was a bottle of red wine, a six pack of Heineken dark lager (which I think tastes a little like soy sauce), a Bailey's and milk on the rocks, a good portion of limoncello and a good portion of Chartreuse. A post on Chartreuse is yet to come, because it really deserves its own.
I highly recommend that you make dumplings. I had never had real homemade dumplings before, only the canned kind or the kind you get at Cracker Barrel, or the kind in Campbell's soup. This completely blew them out of the water. But I might suggest using a little bit less cream, at least in the broth. Because it was incredibly rich.

Pasta a la Vodka

I read a recipe a long time ago on Smitten Kitchen for vodka cream sauce. I'm such a sucker for a good vodka cream sauce. I will order it anytime.
However, this recipe was purportedly magical. It was originally from Rachel Ray (EVOO? Come on), but still sounded intriguing. Although, I take issue with the title. It is called "You won't be single for long" vodka cream sauce.
That was absolutely not my objective in making it. Just to set the record straight.
So, the recipe (via Smitten Kitchen):

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, once around the pan in a slow stream
1 tablespoon butter
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 shallots, minced
1 cup vodka
1 cup chicken stock
1 can crushed tomatoes (32 ounces)
Coarse salt and pepper
16 ounces pasta, such as penne rigate
1/2 cup heavy cream
20 leaves fresh basil, shredded or torn

Heat a large skillet over moderate heat. Add oil, butter, garlic, and shallots. Gently saute shallots for 3 to 5 minutes to develop their sweetness. Add vodka to the pan, 3 turns around the pan in a steady stream will equal about 1 cup. Reduce vodka by half, this will take 2 or 3 minutes. Add chicken stock, tomatoes. Bring sauce to a bubble and reduce heat to simmer. Season with salt and pepper.

While sauce simmers, cook pasta in salted boiling water until cooked to al dente (with a bite to it). While pasta cooks, prepare your salad or other side dishes.
Stir cream into sauce. When sauce returns to a bubble, remove it from heat. Drain pasta. Toss hot pasta with sauce and basil leaves.

{End.}

I was lucky enough to have some actual Italian pasta on hand that my boyfriend brought back from Rome, which was a stop on his flight back from France in early January. It was the best pasta I've ever had, but as I told him, I'm sure it's nothing compared to the pasta in some rural Italian village where the Italian mamas make it in their own kitchens. He said that was true. What a showoff.

I didn't use the fresh basil, because I'm cheap. And is heavy cream the same thing as heavy whipping cream? I don't know, but I used the heavy whipping cream and it tasted just fine.

I would have liked it a little more on the spicy side, but this is me we're talking about, and I would like everything a little more on the spicy side. If there were tabasco-flavored ice cream, I'm sure I'd go for it. My boyfriend added salt. He was right.

It's not magical. But it's good.

Throw stuff in a pan and fry it.

Last night was a very impromptu night, all around. I just happened to run into a friend I hadn't seen in months, although she lives across the street. She just so happened to come to my office when I just so happened to come back to work when I wasn't supposed to in order to drop something off. I invited her over for some booze, as we have soooo much of it. (Must. Stop. Buying. Liquor.)
Anyway, she was going to bring over a frozen Lean Cuisine meal. Naturally, I couldn't let her do that. I was supposed to make stir-fry anyway for myself and my boyfriend, so I knew there would be enough for three.
So, I started taking things out and throwing them in the pan. Onions, red pepper, diced, thrown in the pan. Of course, then I browned the onions in beer, because that's what I do.
Browning onions in beer might be the most useful thing I ever learned from my dad.
Anyway. Then I grilled three large chicken breasts on the world's smallest George Foreman grill, diced them, put them in the pan. Then I threw in some water chestnuts and bamboo shoots, which admittedly I did buy in anticipation of having stir fry.
I boiled some vermicelli, not having any kind of actual asian noodles. Then I threw in some soy sauce and some olive oil and some really great sesame chili oil (thanks Jenna) to both dishes and fried them some more.
That's all. It was really really good. The only thing I regret doing was throwing in an egg. It made it look like something was a little wrong with the dish and it didn't add anything.
So, here's to completely impromptu decisions.